now that i am single again… i need to rebuild myself.
at the moment i dont feel like doing anything. I have no joy or will to do anything.
I feel my life is a waste at the moment and there is very little that i can do to change it.
I pray everynight before bed, because i believe in god and that i am also scared. the comfort that god provides does help me go through day by day.
the mornings ae pretty difficult for me. its a weird feeling like you just came off the operation table, druggy and achy (‘simetimes’)
i am going through counselling and i need to get better.
I thought i was physically getting better but it was not the case this week.
I feel a bit frustrated with the ‘ you are not allowed to do xx xxx and xx ‘ its tiring.
i’m tired of going on like this everyday. I cannoy enjoy runnig or anthing else to get myself better. I have no energy and i feel weak most of the time.
its not nice and this is causing more and more problems for me going forward in my life.
it is a viscious cycle that icannot get of. i want to get better physically and lose weight, get trim and build muscles.
at the moment my diet is shocking and it needs a revamp.
in terms of love life its non-existent but i have two good friends that are supporting me; eva and sean. I cannot ask for any one esle. they are close and i love them both for being around and sticking through.
what is suprising is that Eva is considerate comprared to janet who has been a gf for 5 years. eva didn’t take the piss with me and eating beef, chicken or any religius and restricting/fasting foods.
she doesn’t push it on you or does forget.
it is really annoying that janet forgot that i sacrified and pryed for her. it angers me that she doesn’t know evn after telling her. i just want her to recognise she is going to lose out on a great guy.
I sometimes hope she gets fucked over by a new guy in another relationship.
see how it feels to get fucked over.
she has no empathy and doesnt care about people around you.
her sister is a joke too, she commented as to why the nyc holiday wasn’t longer….well it is a fucking gift.
jesus…what kind of mentality is this bullshit.
what also annoys me is that she keeps me hidden away from her friends and its stressing really stressing that she does this. imagine being hidden away from a relationship for 5 years.
i think these are some of the key factors.
i’ll post one tomrrow morning.