being strong for everybody

lately my friends, notice the plural, are having issues. and for some reason i am the one they approached about it. they tell me all their problems and they like my advise.

But lately i haven’t been feeling too great, and i need to open up to someone, but i just fear that i cannot open to any of my friends as they have their own problems. I just cannot do itanymore. I use to back in the days, but now i just don’t feel i can do it to anyone.

The reason for this is that I cannot put someone else to endure my issues and my problems, also it does feel that i am not a man or strong enough. Everyone comes up to me for advise and all but i don’t have anyone to listen to mine.

So i am left to blog it to myself in hope that it will help in a way, as i cannot sleep well as I feel like drowning.

What more is that I actually started to like one of the girls that came up to me for help. And I don’t feel right in taking advantage of the situation, I cannot and do not feel that I can fess up to my feelings to her as I once did a year ago but she rejected as she was seeing someone at that time. but now its all confusing on my feeling towards her, she recently broke up with her bf.

And I feel like taking over but it doesn’t feel right, and it surely doesn’t feel any good for me to see her in someone else’s arms atm. the thing is that she trusts me more than anyone else in the world, more than her parents and close relatives.

I don’t feel right to even let anything get in the way of what is making her confortable, i know it sounds really of a pussy from me. but this is just really affecting me, i just cannot let her go, but i have to as i have my own issues. it’s fucked up!!!

arrrrr 

lately..

lately I haven’t been doing much towards anything, I was sick with a cold and I have just been sitting at home doing not a lot of things. I have just been playing a lot of games and watched tv shows.

What I should be doing is some reading and some writing towards my coursework. it’s week 5 of my course and I haven’t done much! I have to start ASAP!! I am going to screw things up if I carry on this way. Tomorrow I promise myself that I will read some pages and I will write something for my coursework. I will not play games and fuck around on the internet. I will do something constructive.

I have taken a lot of lemsip today and I hope things will clear itself out tomorrow so that I can move on and go to the gym and do something constructive.

I have to carry on and push myself as no one will do it for me, no one in the game I play and no one in my life will push me to where I want to be.