What a week, getting back from therapy

for the last 5-6 weeks i’ve been to therapy and next week is going to be my last week there.

I’ve learnt a lot about myself and how to get around in my head. A few things i need to look at on a daily basis is my values, priorities in life.

Values

some of my defining values that I have are:

  1. Respectful
  2. Reciprocity
  3. Adventurous
  4. Honest
  5. creative
  6. fair

the list above is of priority, i feel i and others needs to be respected. When I do not achieve respect i feel awful. not happy. when respects are not met. Respect must be given, adventure must be received/created. I feel things needs to be honest/fair.

At this moment these values are what i value, it may change in the future but these are the ones I am into today. 16/02/2019

Priorities

The other thing I identified in my life is that I need to priorities:

  1. Myself/My Partner
  2. Family (Parents, siblings)
  3. Friends
  4. Work
  5. Others

There is no point sacrificing your health for work, or sacrificing family over friends. But my partner and I are priority if we’re in a deep serious relationship.

Talking to myself (aka dealing with the situation)

Every thought that goes through my head to make a decision or ponder on things in my life needs to be reasonably questioned so that I can handle my thoughts and emotion.

This allows me to stop thinking negatively and focusing on other avenues to fix the issue.

Whenever I feel stuck, overwhelmed, I need to re-view my current situation, relax, review, and identify the emotions, thoughts and beliefs at that particular point.

So for example: I feel overwhelmed because I am running around learning react.js, vue.js, java, etc… but that is causing me to be scared. This is because I have a limited belief and thought that I will never be good at these and not get a job.

If i take a step back from that I can review that I am good at programming, php, pythong, etc.. not excellent but good enough to pick up things fairly fast. I just need to give myself time.

Also the other thought running in my head is that I’ll never escape the QS job/career so I am going to be stuck there for the rest of my life. This is because I am not good at programming. But when i take a look back at the programme that I’ve done so far I can see that I am good, and I am going to get better.

I just need to focus maybe on one skill at a time or give myself some time to build my experience. I cannot be that GOOD that I know everything. Take a look at the courses we’ve gone through I am still working on it but looking at what they’re teaching is quite basic and not super crazy shit that people are expecting me to do.

side note: I should stop buying guides on udemy as lynda offers the same cheaper, better quality.

Balance

Life is a balance of cups and water, like Jim mentioned in his bootcamp. You have your family, relationships, friends, health, mental state, rest, work. You cannot keep doing one thing 40hours a week. You have to break it down or else it gets de-balanced and you’ll break and tip over.

For example today i’ve been doing my CV, doing, doing doing, etc… and I’d need to take a rest from this. Hence I am writing my log here and I am going to treat myself with a pastry later on, read a book or watch some TV or something to distract my thoughts and relax. The key to all interchange between state is to relax. I need to be more relax and mindful. It is not 3pm whilst I am writing this in Starbucks in London bridge.

I’ve got soo many ideas of so many things to do. But it has to be prioritised, one thing at a time. Not EVERYTHING. Don’t go 100% onto things that I cannot do.

I also want to build a meetup.com community of developers to have fun, code, and socialise.

Beliefs

Some of things that restricts me in life is bad beliefs that holds me down. One of the most crucial ones that I have is the belief that doing something that I love is going to make me hate it so much that I’ll have nothing left. Same goes with other weird belief such as only dating people outside of my social circle. If I date people within my social circle it will fuck things up. But it is more about managing my priorities and requirements at the moment.

For example if there is someone I connect very well at work, etc… and she’s nice. I shouldn’t dismiss the thought completely because of these ‘bad’ belief or rules i’ve created for myself.

The image below should be something to look at on a regular basis to get myself out there to analyse the situation.

Image result for cbt hot cross bun

foundation of my life:

  • Rest/relax
  • be patient – don’t rush
  • challenge your thinking regularly

update

i have been with my gf for nearly 5 years now.
its been a good ride. yesterday we’ve taken a break from each other.

she has been distant since monday.
Everything was fine on the weekend and sunday.
Then poof monday there’s no more talking.

were not talking anymore.

i made it clear to her that she needs to reply to me when she is ready.

i am also losing concentration.
I don’t know where to go with my life at the moment.

My health has gone down the pan, my mental health down the pan.
i am finding it hard to go to the gym. Today i wanted to go to the gym, i couldn’t because i was busy, frustrated.

I woke up at 10ish to go to the acconutant to drop off my passport, and other documents. I need to go pick it up tomorrow.

i am finding it hard to remember things.

I went to the GP today late in the evening. I need to go to the gp on Friday around 4:00pm on the 6th.

hopefully i’ll get a reminder a few days before friday the 6th of September.

i am also looking at getting a job in maidstone with my old cm.
hopefully it will be easy to deal with and i can manage this properly.

the doctor recommended I journal to help with my memory. I am just finding it really hard to remember.

I am quite annoyed at one of my employees as he is not able to do his job properly. The attitude that he has in dealing and preparing the job is that ‘I am in training’. I haven’t been shown it properly.
tomorrow we’re going to survey the back garden, put it in the software and set it out after.

It is quite weird that he cannot do the job properly.

our previous graduate we took on board was able to survey without any issues. He was able to pick up and use the instrument without effort.

it’s quite hard for me to teach someone who needs continuous attention as it is frustrating.
i don’t mind teaching as long as he can learn fast and willing to learn.

tomorrow’s plan is to wake up early and prepare for the training.

I really want to go gym.

i need to investigate ways to go gym and do slow weight lifting.
I cannot do crazy stuff.

the plan now is to do super slow of the following groups:

Chest + tricepts
back + biceps
shoulders
legs

we need to do 5-6 exercise per session.

so maybe we can do chest (2 exercise), 2 back, 1-2 arm exercise in one session. take 2 days and then do shoulder and legs., and go back at the chest ones.

or maybe focus on 3-5 exercise on the chest
chest press
chest fly
bar bell
triceps

then we have back:
low row
back fly
bent over row

biceps