Im at work today. I forgot to bring my keyboard and i’ve got a lot of thiings to do.
This morning i feel a bit shit, i was really numbed out.
Last night i couldn’t take my propranolol because i ran out. So i went to the chemist in the morning to get another 2 pack from my prescription. I drove down to croydon, just oustide of work there was a terrible crash. Two cars collided.
Ouch i feel and know the pain of the car crash especially living with the consequences and the aches/whip lash from the incident.
I felt woozy about my own situation and I just didn’t want to do anything this morning on the way to work. I just didn’t want to go to work.
I was contemplating of not working anymore and take time off from everything. I just want to get healthy again. Would going back to the gym help? Would losing weight help?
As we speak i am sipping on a horrible Meal replacement from PHD. its so thick and keeps me full. I just can’t finish the damn thing! Everytime i leave it to rest it gets thicker by the minute.
Maybe that’s how it keeps you full inside your stomach?
Yesterday I tried to cry but it didn’t come out, i had one tear drop out my eyes. All i wanted to do is cry but halfway through or just before starting it just didn’t come out.
It was really weird.
I wanted to get better by letting go of things in my life.
I am not sure what the fuck is going on with me with this issue.
I am happy with plesk, i think i am going to purchase a yearly license for the server to run on with the emails.
I am finally getting the payment done for my suppliers at work. Gosh it took very long. I had not motivation to do anything but it kept eating me up at the back of my head. I was not too happy with that but i just didn’t have the energy to do it.
I was also so close to text janet last night, i don’t know why, i was not feeling anything for her but anger. Anger against me and her. I repressed a lot during the relationship and i should have raised my concerns earlier when she didn’t give a shit or even introduce me to her family within the first year of being together.
She has issues. She was hiding me away from her sister recently because she thinks of what other people would say rather than what she wants. She value gossip than friendship….maybe that is why i walked away from her.
Today i’ve got counselling. I’ll have to tell her if she is registered with bupa, if not i will start counselling in the south with people close to home i guess.