broke up

Janet and I are taking a break
but i am considering it as a full breakup so that I don’t need.
I am concentrating on myself at the moment and I am feeling a bit better.
i haven’t had any negative thoughts.

It was pretty rough on thursday night as i couldn’t sleep.

I tried to go for a walk, drink water, listen to music and put the fan on. I was still feeling weird.

i have not contacted her or will contact her. The arrangement is that when she is feeling better she’ll contact me.
From her past messages it seems that she doesn’t love me anymore.
she lost the love factor with me, it could be because of stress.

We don’t even have sex anymore…there’s nothing from her side.


here is my response that I want to say.

i don’t completely understand what’s going on in your head, but I am trying to listen. Every time you mention it, I try to understand what’s going on in your head.

no you don’t try to understand. I’ve sent you articles about my depression and trying to explain how it is. Yet I get comments that are not helping me at all.

some are “just be happy”
“stop thinking negative”

Sometimes i just get silence

I know you were under immense stress from your previous work. You were so much more relaxed after your trip and even in the following weeks. You may disagree with me. In my opinion, I think working for your dad actually made it worst. Hence all my suggestions, opinions etc. which were not heard or actioned on because at the end of the day, it was your family against me (I get it!)

no matter how much I explained it was not easy you didn’t try to understand it. I love my family, my dad. I tried to help him out as much as I could as we had trouble to go through court issues. He helped me for my court fees for my visa and my uncle’s fucking tricks to take my property.


I really appreciate that you were there for me when I was at Hatstand.

yet all these comments were not helping me at all. I feel you forget how much i help you and being there for you. I am supportive properly.


Maybe wasted was the wrong word. The point that I was trying to get across is that the lack of commitment meant that we were going nowhere with our relationship. We needed more communication, i don’t even know you are taking pills….

Yes, but who is it too blame. when i talked to you 2 years ago about getting kids or married so that gauge if you’re interested you were silent. Whenever I talked to you about my feelings or getting together its just silent.
Silence and more silence.
How would i know what you want when you don’t tell me how you’d want it.
When I asked you about relationship counselling you said its not the relationship at hand but we can try. what kind of thinking is that. I tried submitting a relationship counselling


But it really upsets me to find out that you were being too comfortable whilst I am staying in the UK for you trying to make this work and not be with my family and friends in HK. It has always been really hard for me. To heard you saying things like that just makes it even harder for me when I have no one here.

I know that oyu have family back in HK, i have tried to go through my chartership to allow me to go to HK or singapore so that you can be home too.
I did try explain to you my plan but apparently money is more important.
I explained that I needed time to recover, i needed time to get my visa, i needed time to just go back. maybe you don’t understand how depressed and stressed I am to think about just going back to work. it’s making me sick. YET you still put the pressure that i need to leave my dad like NOW and I get the comment that I wasted a year of my life.
you fucking bitch.
YOU have no consideration for me at all.


I am sorry that I haven’t been responsive. You have been telling me that you don’t want to go back to Qsing and yet i am the one pushing you towards it. I don’t even know what’s best for you and us anymore…

I feel you just want me to go back to qsing to make more money. Marketing isn’t cutting it in YOUR PLAN, there is little to no input on what i want.
You don’t want a saving of £20k, you want a saving of £40k. You want the best. well… if that is the case go find another man that can give you money and the life you want. I can’t even look at myself whenever you talk about money and how I cannot save shit.


I am not saying that you quit your job was a bad idea, it was that you had no plans for our future at all bothered me. Was I ever part of it?

no you said it was. I heard it and you said it. You even apologised for it.
let me see…uhmm. i’m having difficulties and I had to quit to change careers because I was fucked up. I was not in a good place.
You were always a part of it.
Building more “money” and time to grow the business so that I can get back to £55k for YOU. FOR YOU. not us, because whatever I say it isn’t cutting it for you. I have given up on my dreams.


I am sorry if you feel i am not supportive. But what could I have done to make you feel that I was supportive? I listened, I gave suggestions, options, my opinions etc…. I don’t want you to feel that I don’t care about you, because I do. I just don’t know how to handle it. Everything I say you always feel that I don’t understand or target you…

you are. your suggestions are cut through suggestions. Just quit your job. well where do I go? I don’t want to go back to Qsing. What do I do for a job? just quit? yeah let’s just quit, my dad cannot make money for the family and I am homeless. Great Janet. amazing suggestion dick head.
Fuck you inconsiderate bitch.

look who is there for me when I’m down. not even my family or you. Sean and a bit of my family.
That;s it. Where areyou in the picture you fucking CUNT.



Sorry I should have had a conversation with you rather than texting, but I am too upset to express my thoughts out loud.

Good night.



What pissed me off is that i compromised for you a lot. I tolerate you a lot

  • we don’t have sex, and I know you’re not into sex all the time but come on.
  • you don’t tell me I love you anymore or ever really.
  • you don’t think about me as you used to
  • you don’t respond properly
  • you always talk about your self, i never have anything to say because i get to the point of understanding that you talk so much that I am unable to explain my day or even share what I do.
  • it’s always been about yourself
  • you don’t have pictures of us
  • You say you want to include me with your friends but yet you don’t invite me properly. I went out of my way to drop you off and skip on my tickets for comicon. awesome girlfriend. you are the best and you are considerate
  • I took you to drive
  • I helped you during your down time at hatstand. And I get this shit….

thanks janet you bitch, self absorbed and inconsiderate bitch.




i have been with my gf for nearly 5 years now.
its been a good ride. yesterday we’ve taken a break from each other.

she has been distant since monday.
Everything was fine on the weekend and sunday.
Then poof monday there’s no more talking.

were not talking anymore.

i made it clear to her that she needs to reply to me when she is ready.

i am also losing concentration.
I don’t know where to go with my life at the moment.

My health has gone down the pan, my mental health down the pan.
i am finding it hard to go to the gym. Today i wanted to go to the gym, i couldn’t because i was busy, frustrated.

I woke up at 10ish to go to the acconutant to drop off my passport, and other documents. I need to go pick it up tomorrow.

i am finding it hard to remember things.

I went to the GP today late in the evening. I need to go to the gp on Friday around 4:00pm on the 6th.

hopefully i’ll get a reminder a few days before friday the 6th of September.

i am also looking at getting a job in maidstone with my old cm.
hopefully it will be easy to deal with and i can manage this properly.

the doctor recommended I journal to help with my memory. I am just finding it really hard to remember.

I am quite annoyed at one of my employees as he is not able to do his job properly. The attitude that he has in dealing and preparing the job is that ‘I am in training’. I haven’t been shown it properly.
tomorrow we’re going to survey the back garden, put it in the software and set it out after.

It is quite weird that he cannot do the job properly.

our previous graduate we took on board was able to survey without any issues. He was able to pick up and use the instrument without effort.

it’s quite hard for me to teach someone who needs continuous attention as it is frustrating.
i don’t mind teaching as long as he can learn fast and willing to learn.

tomorrow’s plan is to wake up early and prepare for the training.

I really want to go gym.

i need to investigate ways to go gym and do slow weight lifting.
I cannot do crazy stuff.

the plan now is to do super slow of the following groups:

Chest + tricepts
back + biceps

we need to do 5-6 exercise per session.

so maybe we can do chest (2 exercise), 2 back, 1-2 arm exercise in one session. take 2 days and then do shoulder and legs., and go back at the chest ones.

or maybe focus on 3-5 exercise on the chest
chest press
chest fly
bar bell

then we have back:
low row
back fly
bent over row