hmm refocus plus a bit more

I missed out on two days of update, Wednesday was pretty hard for me to even go online and Thursday was hectic. It all seemed like a nostalgic dream that didn’t end until I came home and slept.

Thursday I went to my friend after my exams to talk, we sort of side tracked and over talked for hours which lead me to stay awake at hers, I didn’t feel right to sleep at hers. I don’t know why. But in the morning she decided to go sleep and I left when the trains started to work.

We were talking about relationships and things of that sort, one thing that stroke me is as to why I was trying to get a girlfriend in general. Out of reaction I told her I wanted to be a player, dating multiple girls at one time. I realised that the way I was going about it wasn’t as great in her eyes, as it was a bit irresponsible for me to do this. Some more talking and discussion about the subject came along, I realised that I was not focusing on what I wanted or needed.

It made me wonder, what I wanted…

I asked myself what I truly wanted, it was basically a good relationship with sex without too much commitment while taking things slowly. I wanted someone to ask me how I was my day, nearly everyday. Probably share my stories of my day or listen to hers. Maybe that sharing experience is what I want.

My action plan is to get loads of friends who are girl by just randomly introducing myself to groups and individuals I meet and slowly build my confidence to do it to randomly outside of uni and groups of friends. I sometimes feel I can, and I probably can but it just gets hard to do it. I did realise its easy after saying  ‘Hi, Excuse me…’. Maybe I should use that mindset and that experience to good use to help me meet new people.

But for now I have to just finish my exams. Maybe tomorrow if I get more time I will go through this aim, needs, want and plan in a bit more details.

Plus a bit more….

Today, well the  15th, I woke up at 2pm after the sound of my brother coming in and calling my name. His friend was in the house, I just was too knackered to wake up, so I went back to sleep. Later when I woke up, I started to focus on my revision. I was only able to go through one serious chapter today for my exam on Monday. It wasn’t as productive.

I had my lunch/dinner and went to sleep for an hour, and started to revise again. That didn’t quite work as well as I wanted it to, I only completed a few more pages of revision. I realised that the internet and communication from the outside failed me. So a few minutes ago from this post I planned my next day. I have 3 chapters to cover, 2 big ones and 1 small one for tomorrow. I also planned on starting some good note taking/ revision for my other module which I have an exam for on next Thursday. 

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